This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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