my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
