You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
