Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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