I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
