I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
