I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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