you guys were way drunker than both of me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
