I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
