i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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