My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
