She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
