i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
