I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
