somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
