you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
