just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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