herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you never un-have a 4some
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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