Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
