So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I will be naked everywhere
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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