Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
