SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
