the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
