I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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