Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
