there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
