I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
