Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
