Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
