I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
