So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
