peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
