Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
