If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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