I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
