Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
be right there i have to get my cape
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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