can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
