This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
