she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
