If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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