So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
