Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
