6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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