Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
