I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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