Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
