Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
