Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
