I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
