Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
