sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
