Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
