I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just forgot I was standing up.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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