he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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