Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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